is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
