just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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