Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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