Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
