i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
