Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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