Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
