Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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