I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
