we have officially lost it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
