Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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