what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
