I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
