I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize