i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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