this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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