Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
