why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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