the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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