i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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