Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
sex in a hospital.. check
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
