well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
