i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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