yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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