She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
