Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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