My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish I could teleport
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You took a bar mat shot.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
