He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
