Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
do herpes really smell.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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