are you so shy because you have an std?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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