Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She needs sedatives and a leash
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
