In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love you. Go after that dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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