eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
