if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
