You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
