SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
