the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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