I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh god it's open bar.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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