He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
