Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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