A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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