I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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