u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
