And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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