that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
