i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
