Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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