I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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