Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
