I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
