Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
