Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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