I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think i have two assholes
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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