we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize