I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
