is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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