If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
