come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
