I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
