is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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