Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
