Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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