and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
