i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
