There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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