He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
