you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
