Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Drunk is a universal language darling
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
