Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
