I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
