That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
