Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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