i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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