yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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