I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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